Hi-eft

Clearing out & Letting go - to 'Get Creative'

"The seasons they are a-changing" - and so are we. 

As the trees start to shed their leaves ready for the winter hibernation and conservation of their energy - well in a way, so do we.  Yet do we really need to hibernate and conserve our energy?  Not nowadays we don't!   But how many of us will traditionally put away our 'bright and light' summer clothes and get out of storage those dull and heavy winter togs?  Many of my colleagues are already talking about doing just this as the first winter frosts appear in the night.

Let's face it, before central heating and double glazing and roof insulation we NEEDED our winter togs to keep us warm.  Yet very few people nowadays do not have central heating or double glazing or roof insulation - yet they still dig out their winter-duty clobber.

So just what am I saying here?  Come on and spit it right out then Christina.

What I am saying is that nowadays, with modern technology and also recognition of global warming, our winters need not be for 'hibernating' as THEY have changed from winters we remember as close as only 40years ago.  Winters CAN BE used as a 'productive and creative' time instead.

So how do we get started on this 'productivity and creativity'? 

Well for a start only use heavy out-door clothing WHEN we need to go out.  Wear your bright and light summery clothes indoors, you wear them in the summer because you feel comfortable in them, and they cheer you up, so why not continue to wear them through the winter - in our homes, on our social outings (which let's face it are usually in pubs or restaurants or night-clubs - which are very warm and insulated places anyway) and workplaces?  Doing this will keep your energies 'brighter and lighter'.

PLUS something else we can do sooo easily (to help along this productivity and creativity) is to de-clutter - go on give yourself some 'space to breathe easier'.  Have a look in one drawer, one cupboard, one wardrobe - and decide what you haven't used or worn for the last 3-6months - then place that 'something' in a black bin liner or a box and put it out of your sight in the attic or car port or garage or spare room.  Put a date tag on it, and go back to it in 3-6months time, and if you find you haven't needed it during the intervening period, then get rid of it - permanently - and you'll be surprised at how liberated and free-er you feel. 

So by giving yourself some more 'breathing space'  space-wise and what with wearing your 'bright and light' clothes you'll soon get your productivity up AND along with that 'free-er' and 'lighter' energy comes creativity.

Simple when you know how.  Give it a go ... surprise yourself this winter

Christina Elvin

Copying - is it a good or bad thing?

Over the past few months I have noticed an increase in the viewings of one of my ebay products.  It's a product that, BEFORE I brought it out, there were none on the market - that's why I brought it out.  Many people I trained used to say "Oh yes that's a good idea to do surrogate tapping, why don't you market the idea?"  Well I did.  The product is a 'Tapping Toy' to be precise. 

It's quite simple really, basically 'tapping points' are highlighted and attached - securely - on a furry animal toy and then the 'Tapping Toy' is given to a young person to regularly (preferably daily) tap on the highlighted 'tapping points' whilst they are re-telling their day's tales.  This releases their negative feelings about the day's events thus allowing them to feel more comfortable.

Well, as I said, there were none on the market BEFORE I decided to make them - each is individually chosen by me on an intuitive level and it again has intuitively chosen 'markers' attached to the specific tapping points.  Now whilst sales have been very very slow with this product - viewings have been phenomenal - in their hundreds in fact.  Which, to me, shows that lots of people are being told about them and on viewing them probably thinking "Huh!  I can do one of those instead of buying one!".

Which they can of course do - however they are missing out on a special element here.  That's because these toys are not just 'picked up anywhere' and matched with a 'highlighted tapping point marker'.  It's all done on an intuitive level - even down to the naming of the 'Tapping Toy'.

Now at first when I saw these increasing viewing rates I thought "Great, people WILL buy them".  Then as it slowly dawned on me that sales weren't going up in correlation to the viewings, I went through a "That's not fair stage etc etc ... because they're using my idea" - ego kicking in here.  And many of them even emailed me to ask about specific materials and other things - yet didn't buy. 

NOW though I feel quite chuffed (a Northernism) that people are looking at them and it is giving them the idea - to do something which THEY hadn't thought of themselves. 

So really they ARE using my idea - just not paying for it.  And as the old saying goes "Copying is the sincerest form of flattery" I feel quite pleased they are using MY idea.  I only hope that they are dipping into their intuition when chosing the toy and the markers - which they porobably are not.  So I wonder what kind of results they are/not getting - mmmmm .... interesting .... very interesting

Christina Elvin

So ARE you living your life in the 'past lane'? In other words, are you in denial?

I wonder how many people are their own worst enemies - by keeping themselves in the 'past lane'?

Recognise any of these phrases:

• Well I could - if I wanted to ...
• Well I will,  when I'm better
• I will - when I'm ready ...
• Things never used to be like this
• I could always find/do/be xyz before ...
• Whenever I do abc, this ... always happens

We often attribute these phrases to simply being negative and not wanting to do things differently,  which is correct - in a way.  However, think about it this way - if you are always harping on about the past, and how much better you or things were or your life used to be than now, aren't you deliberately keeping yourself stuck in your 'past lane' and not wanting yourself to live in the 'here and now'?  In fact, looking at it this way, you're not allowing yourself to move forwards!  You are controlling your own life because you fear you have lost control of your job or your life or your relationship.

A client (late 50s successful self-employed business woman) of mine's 80yr old dad is a good example of this.  Having discovered at 79yrs of age he had bladder cancer - he immediately stopped doing anything and everything and simply vegetated at home: he stopped driving his car - his only means of getting out of his house; he stopped visiting his only friend - who only lived 25yards away from him; in fact he became an very grumpy old man literally overnight.  The fact that within 6months of the first hint of anything wrong with him he'd been operated on, come through it all and months afterwards had been told there's no sign of any cancer -  one would think he would have made him delieriously happy.  Nah! instead he moans about the slightest thing, and if he can't find anything to moan about, then he FINDS something to moan about such as "I always used to do this and now I can't because YOU have moved this or that" OR "I will go out and drive my car when I AM ready and not before" OR "Things never used to be like this before ...".   

What he's showing, and doesn't realise it, is that he just wants to be stuck in that 'past lane' - of doing things as HE used to do them, and now he's showing all the signs of NOT wanting to take any responsibility for himself by simply NOT doing things himself.  It seems that he CANNOT and WILL NOT accept responsibility for himself and blames everyone else - including those who have been helping and look after him and nurse him back to good health.  So - he's in denial.   

Now this is extremely difficult for my client as she is a vey positive person and recognises that she, as well as him, are going through a grieving phase.  And it has come to a head because of a particular procedure (which this old fella is supposed to do himself for himself and IS NOT DOING because ..... ) so she and her younger sister HAVE to do this procedure for him, thereby putting their own lives and families and careers and social lives under strain because this petty procedure has become such a BIG thing to him and he's simply not accepting his share of the responsibility - in fact he's delegated this responsibility to his daughters and is keeping himself in the 'past lane' by doing this - simply because he is not doing it himself and taking control of it - which is what in reality he ought to be doing.  And he doesn't even know he's doing it.  So my client and her sister have taken up this responsibility out of daughterly love and IT has taken on a life of its own now - controlling their lives.

So what did I advise my client to do? 

1. Well besides building up her confidence to let her know she's doing a brilliant job - because according to her her father never encouraged her in what she wanted to do and then he blamed the fact that he didn't know what she wanted to do or was doing with her life because she had moved away from the family home (Ouch!); he belittled her by being sarcastic at times - and is still sarcastic too commenting on her increased weight and physical appearance caused due to the menopause (Ouch!). So he's been showing all the signs of being an 'emotional bully' - which was HIS way of exhibiting control over something. 
2. I suggested that has a face-to-face meeting with her father, starting out by telling him that she loves him and always will, and that she understands he's been through a rough patch and is now out of it, and that she will help him when he needs it. 
3. Then she can move onto explaining how she feels about him delegating his responsibility regarding this procedure - that it was fine for the following weeks AFTER he was discharged, NOW it is several months and he's STILL NOT showing any signs of accepting his own responsibility.
4. About how this situation is having a detrimental effect on her life, her family and her business - she stopped all her business committments and cancelling many which were already booked for the few months he was in hospital and when she and her sister were caring for him 24/7; and
5. That she give him a date by which he should be carrying out the procedure on his own - as he is supposed to according to the medical professionals who pronounced him "well". 
6. And that if he WILL NOT do this procedure for himself, then they will have to explore some alternatives as this situation cannot continue.

So we'll see what happens.

Christina Elvin